Essentialist Explanations

This page comprises a list of 876 'essentialist explanations' of the form 'Language X is essentially language Y under conditions Z.' Some examples:

* English is what you get from Normans trying to pick up Saxon girls.
* Brazilian is essentially Spanish spoken by Portuguese hot babes with rhythm.
* Chinese is essentially German, only more so.
* French is essentially Latin spoken by a drunken Roman soldier.